I was challenged by a friend of mine to do a year in review post and talk about all the cool things that happened in 2021. It’s a good time for such a challenge seeing’s how we’re almost done with this year and setting off into the wilds of 2022.
What will the new year bring? Rivers of fire? Trash bogs and tent cities and trading lunch meat for single cigarrettes in the alley behind St. Joe’s church while the vigilante cops make their nightly rounds? Will it be back to the land for all of us searching for that one last patch of good earth for chopping wood, fetching water, tending fire and singing to nobody and just letting the kids stay illiterate cuz why? Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets. Buy lotto tickets.
Between now and the future, how ‘bout we just acknowledge that these past 365 days were powered by drip coffee, phone chargers, soft pants, streaming services, indoor heating and cooling, the American credit card culture, the snooze button, scratch paper and Jif creamy peanut butter as always.
I let myself cry alot. I lay flat on the floor and let the earth and God hold me in its hands. I let the hurt sit squarely in my chest and I closed my eyes and let it reverberate, pulse, slice, hammer, buzz, hollow out the heart center in a certain color of its choosings and I walked around it and asked it what it wanted and let it be there and I didn’t fight it or push it down or pretend like it wasn’t there. I cried into it. And then, when the time came to really look it in the mirror and talk about it on zoom I just talked about it on zoom and then I got off the call and cried even more and then, one day, I woke up and I was different and there’s one less thing attacking me in the middle of the night now that me and the demon hung out together so much flat on the floor and crying and then out loud so another person could hear us. It’s like I let it go of it like a kid in a park with a red balloon up up up and away.
That was one thing. Here are some other highlights:
I hired a publicist and released “Sweetheartland” in April 2020. After sitting on the record for over a year, I finally decided to let it go live its life. I was surprised and heartened by how well it was received by reviewers and listeners alike. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been super proud of that work and those songs, but you spend so much time with something for so long you start to doubt what you see and what you think. Am I crazy? Am I the only one who thinks this is OK? Thanks to my awesome publicist and my awesome fans, “Sweetheartland” got a great place in the world and I love hearing people tell me about the songs that mean a lot to them.
I released a single in July, “Let me be yours” and I released my second full length record, “You Let the Light In” in November. So three separate musical releases. Good job, Hope. This is something Hope will explain away as no big deal, but it was a big deal and still is and so I write it down in remembrance.
I bought my dream guitar in April after years of wanting it. I just did it. I love it so much. My Gibson LG-2 is my guide. It tells me what I forget and reflects back to me a lesson on worth I am still working to comprehend.
In November, I finally got that studio space I’ve dreamed about for so long. AMAZING. You have no idea what pro moves do to your professional identity. They bring your pro self into focus like nothing else. The guitar and the studio were long overdue and the best moves I’ve made so far when it comes to creating a future of strength and vision. I should’ve done both years ago.
I was a member of the Monday night songwriters group for most, but not all the Mondays in 2021. Five of us gathered for a retreat on Block Island this past October. I loved it. I love Monday songwriters. They are the most amazing, creative, intelligent, passionate, driven group of artists and I feel so blessed to be in their company. Monsters, I tell you. They are monsters of the written word and I get a front row seat to their art and creativity every Monday night. I am one lucky ducky.
I had one boy graduate from high school and start college. I had one boy affirm his baptism and get confirmed in the faith. I had one boy earn his driver’s license, get an old truck that now sits parked and unused on on our street waiting for the day the driver wishes to use it. All in good time, my friends. The boys are getting older and so am I. The departure of my oldest son made the passage of time very very real. Katie Dahl’s words, “Set to stay for a little while beside me” referring to a young son destined to let go of his mother’s hand one day is the effing gloriously painful truth of it all. Hug your babies.
I worked as a life coach for one whole calendar year. I met with clients from all over and worked on my hours towards advancement and got to see clients achieve amazing, wonderful, free, joyful things. I love my work as a coach. I love meeting up with someone and seeing their beautiful unique humanity and believing, without a doubt, they can have whatever they want in this life. It’s so easy to see how deep the wells full of riches are in the souls and hearts of fellow travellers. It is such an honor to help reflect back to people such a truth while we work. I love it.
Also: songs, retreats, more songs, VBS, Christmas program, Prompt Queens podcast return, CASA Talk podcast production (I love my podcast work so so much), going out to California three times, seeing Amie in New York, reuniting with Emily and Katie in Iowa, renting a circus tent for graduation and confirmation receptions, endless walks, endless music, therapy, drugs, getting vaxxed, getting boosted, driving to Hastings, and peanut butter sandwiches as always.
The message from most is that the world is in crisis, the world is at a stand still, this is not the time. Thanks to coaching and surrounding myself with dreamers and doers, I’ve lived a good year full of forward motion, joy, ease, peace, gratitude, AND the inevitable dose of fear, anxiety, worry, loss, and hurt. The bad stuff never cancels out the good stuff. They each get a place at the table. The table has room for both. I have room for both in wholeness. The human story has both and that’s not a problem, that’s just normal according to everything everywhere. You will witness magic. You will witness heartache. Be awake for both.
So what’s next? I think 2022 is going to be themed, “GO BIG. FAIL SPECTACULARLY.”
Just in case Jesus comes back, I’m going to swing for the fences and really fudge my life up in an effort to up-level and see if I can really do what I think I can do. I am starting to really really believe that I can actually achieve what I dream is possible. I know that’s crazy. And trust me, I will do it really terribly imperfect where I get depressed and hide and then heal and then get back out there and then self-doubt, but man, I think I can do it. And I’m kind of old now and squishy and pale and my husband got me a gift certificate to get a tattoo but now I’m feeling kinda chicken and I don’t dress very well, and I eat carbs but I think I can do it even with all those obstacles and downsides. Just call me Darlin’ of the downside. Just call me Angel of the morning. Just call me crazy. I’ll be over here working on my best year ever. If you ever want to explore the idea of your best year ever, send me a line. I love that shit. I love your guts.
To all you who read. To all you who give me a couple minutes of internet scrolling time reading this. Thank you. To you who help me, who hear me, who are curious. We’re buddies. WE’re friends. We’re on the same team. High five. Happy new year.