Is it still weird speaking into a bathroom mirror to myself morning and evening? Yes. Am I doing it? Also yes.
Yesterday I drove to Hastings to record new “Prompt Queens” episodes with Emily. On the way there I listened to a podcast and on the way back I listened to an Apple Music Yacht Rock playlist.
On the way there the sun was shining and it was still shining on the way home. After crushing a lovely Memorial Day drive, three new songs and episodes and a stop at the ye merry old Walmart for BBQ supplies, I took a country walk with Jon, sat in the shade of the garage with Jon watching the neighbor kids “Frogger” around passing cars with their bikes and scooters before eating a delicious burger and heading down to my Monday evening songwriter meet up. I was in charge of starting off our meeting talking about my songwriting process.
These days my songwriting process is just above terrible and barely there. I’m in a slog and struggle in a way that I’ve never been before where none of my old tricks work, my gut can’t tell me if I’m doing it right anymore and if I could just be gifted a completely new identity and artistic inclination that’d be great.
And that’s OK too. Did I think I’d never fall into an artistic pit somehow? Did I think I wouldn’t have to strip it all down to build it all up again? I guess that’s a thing and that might be my thing at present. I’m glad I’m doing affirmations and positive self-talk. I could be making this season of artistic decline/dissolution mean something other than what I think it means. I don’t think it means there’s something wrong with me or this scenario. I think it just means that this is where I’m at right now. And it’s exactly where I should be.
So many of our days, meaning so many days I’ve lived in the past, were riddled with resistance, the feeling of injustice, the feeling like I was fighting through some evil force or other keeping me from contentment or peace. I’m not so sure that what I thought was my conflict was never really there to begin with. Today is brand new. Tomorrow is too. I’ve saved more fun for today and fun stuff to do tomorrow.
At my best I am in emotional balance. To doubt that would be to favor emotional imbalance. I’m pretty sure I’m not into that. At least not right now. High five. Keep writing.