I'm reading "White Fragility" by Robin DiAngelo

I am reading “White Fragility” by Robin DiAngelo after hearing about it, seeing that other people were reading it and wishing to learn more about a subject that I am 1. afraid of, 2. fearful about, 3. not sure what to do with, 4. ashamed of, 5. curious to know more, 6. willing to feel uncomfortable whilst learning about the issue of racism in America.

When George Floyd was murdered and then the world erupted, I did become silent, I did question my role in the whole thing, I did feel helpless, I did feel sad and guilty and powerless, I did see injustice and discord and division and it made my heart hurt.

We were already falling into the temptation of division and discord and judgment because of a disease. The hard thing about a disease is that it is not a person you can blame, so human nature makes the necessary adjustments, and finds a way to blame people. Which is savvy of us, humans. So the fires were stoked and ready to add more burning coals thanks to a perfect little storm of straight up desperation and frustration and believing our neighbors to be our enemies.

I was home, I was sad, white and confused and already depressed due to joblessness, separation and fear. And I do believe in the devil and I do believe the devil is loving all of this.

I don’t like the devil and I don’t like being used by him or influenced by the devil so that was the thing that made me get up out of bed and consider how I might combat that stupid devil.

I thought to myself, “Well, shoot, you can’t feel any worse, the devil is clearly having a great time with you and many others, why not read that book everyone is talking about and try and learn a thing or two while you’re busy doing nothing?”

And now I’m reading it and I am so glad that I am. Seriously. I am so glad I am reading this book. I don’t feel sad or ashamed or guilty or powerless. I feel like I’m seeing things that were hidden from me. I am seeing what is clearly societal bedrock to our nation: racism. And I know that might seem super harsh or mean or vicious. No, it is none of those things. I am reading the very clear explanation of how we, as a society, have built and sustained an unfair, imbalanced concentration of power and advantage benefiting white people and hurting people of color.

Not only that, it’s been marketed and perpetuated in ways that have been packaged and sold to us as harmless, normal, fine, in a way that works very hard to maintain the continuation of this total garbage. What a bunch of total garbage. To separate people, to fear one another, to fight for this bizarre myth of the self-made man with no help (I’m pretty sure Bill Gates’ kids will be better positioned than my kids- NO QUESTION. I’m pretty sure my kids will be better positioned than children of non-college grads: NO QUESTION), to believe in fundamental differences that make it so we don’t go to each other’s parties or houses, to believe that homogeneity is just the way the cookie crumbles, that whiteness is somehow outside of race and that whiteness is the standard for living. So ridiculous. Why am I upset? Because I’ve been participating in something I never wanted to participate in! I want to believe that I’m not part of the problem, but unfortunately, the problem is FUDGING EVERYWHERE and in EVERYTHING.

You might at this point want to resist all that stuff. You might want to stop reading and tell me where to stick it. Pause. Deep breath. If it’s false, then we go about our business and it all stays the same.

However, if there’s an inkling of truth, we have a chance to change course. Also. Let yourself be a slow cooker. No rush, no hurry, put it on low and let it simmer. From a place of love, from a place of curiosity. Pause.

In Bible Study the other day Tim mentioned that Christianity is the only religion without any dietary laws. That’s an interesting thing to ponder because dietary restrictions in other religions serve as a way to bring people together under one law and shared custom. It’s actually harder to have a faith without dietary restrictions, as we read about in the accounts of first century Christianity. The new believers were not getting along because they all came to the faith with different eating traditions and food restrictions. It was Paul and Peter and John’s job to get them all worshipping together without any one group claiming superiority because of one custom or another. All the people all together no matter where they came from. The writings clearly point to good old fashioned sinful human nature, right? There were divisions, there was recognition of one group over another and time and again, the apostles had to come through and give them a firm talking to about oneness in Christ.

No dietary law means that any new believer may be welcomed into the fellowship no matter where they came from and what they ate. Why? Because their oneness didn’t come from tradition- it came from Christ.

And yet here we are. Arguing for our separations as normal and God pleasing. Here we are arguing for our segregation serving a God that came preaching the complete opposite. How is it we’re willing to confess our human weakness but not when it comes to choosing one neighbor over another? Not only that, condemning what we see as special treatment of a brother in Christ by inviting them to the table! The good news is that no sin can exclude us from redemption! No bias or prejudice is bigger than God’s healing forgiveness! THat’s good news! No need to keep up appearances or act like we’ve got it all figured out when we don’t. The good news is that we’re weak and Jesus is strong. Yay, Jesus.

I am reading this book as a sad white lady, but first and foremost, I’m reading it as a baptized and redeemed servant of Jesus. I am a daily sinner in need of a savior. I am a sister seeking a closer walk with thee, Jesus. I don’t see the value in arguing for our human desire for staying with our own kind. I am not interested in serving my own comfort to the detriment of a neighbor’s sense of belonging. And that happens all the time in our every day lives. We don’t say hello to the visitor in the narthex, we don’t sit with the new family at the potluck, we don’t want our kids playing with the kids who use the bad language, we don’t want to be seen as undesireable because protecting ourselves and our comfort is more important than extending the hand of connection. Hell, if I see these tendencies playing out in my own tiny little world, well, OF COURSE THEY’RE PLAYING OUT IN MAJOR WAYS ALL OVER THE PLACE. Those things are just the tip of the iceberg encompassing the way in which we’ve madder certain people less than. And not just that we’ve neglected our neighbor, but worse, that we live in a society structured to maintain racism.

I don’t like being fooled into a way of being and that’s what this book has shown me. I’m glad to read this book and see how artificial our imposed separation, segregation, and privileges really are. I feel robbed of a life of deeper connection with people of color. I imagine what kind of friendships I could’ve had if the subtle conditioning of societal racism hadn’t gotten in the way. I am a product of this society and I own that I learned a certain way of being that does not see everyone the same. That’s a total fudging bummer.

Here are the lines in the book that were a gut punch:

“I have lived in a world that says I have lost nothing from the human experience if I live in an all white society.”

“The assumed notion that people of color bring no value to my human experience.”

Oof. I know white ladies start book clubs in response to social issues, but I want to use this knowledge to widen the circle. Bring people to the table. It’s not special treatment. It should be normal. We should all be at the table. There’s more than enough room for everyone.

John’s vision of heaven is one of people from every tribe and nation together worshiping the Lamb. Why wouldn’t we be trying to practice that unity in fellowship here on earth instead of saving it for glory? I wonder.