It rained most of Wednesday as I drove east to St. Louis and it rained most of Thursday when I left to drive home. I had coffee and water and an everything bagel that crumbed all down my front as I merged onto I-70 from Columbia west bad idea.
I listened to Josh Ritter and Cory Branan and then played them both again passing the semis, in and out of the fast lane, thinking about music and praying for sun.
I cried a little also from the lines I heard them singing and I cried because the road between there and here is full of thinking and reflecting, wishing and watching the white lines wind up and over, down directing traffic towards the future and that can feel heavy sometimes.
It was a great show, it was a great reunion, I love playing songs for people, I miss those years in St. Louis because I was young back then and we were broke back then and we all met up on Sunday nights to watch the Fox lineup on TV together. Jon went to class and I went to work and we lived on the third story of an old building in the Central West End. Then I quit my job and went back to grad school and walked all the way down to SLU for classes each day. Then we left and went rambling, came back two years later with a baby and an apartment on Dale in Richmond Heights and Jon went to classes and I went to teach Spanish and Lindsey watched our children like a saint dolling out snacks. We went to church on the South side, I taught at Lutheran North, we got to know the State Parks for daytrips, we went to Shaw Gardens for free at the end of the day. We got tickets to ballgames, we took guests on the beer tour, we loved The Loop and Tower Grove Park and we worked weird part-time jobs doing this and that and more.
We only had one car then, we were broke and newly married, we joined the choir at church and a community choir too. We made friends and made dinner, we met Pino and Anke, we dreamed dreams of where life would take us before seeing the path.
I guess that’s why I love it. It reminds me of the before times. The time when we were starting without knowing what came next. Now twenty years later, in the place where life fell into motion, I felt the freedom of blank canvas like it’s been there this whole time just watching for me to get there and say, “Oh good, we’ve been waiting” with an invitation for playing without skipping a beat. St. Louis is cool and it always will be.
So there’s a home and a home depending on the question and it’s hard to determine which one holds my heart, but I know there’s a highway and I know I can drive it and I know I can go there whenever I please. High five.