When sons leave for college sometimes mothers reflect on the first eighteen years before the day they leave for college. Sometimes when sons leave for college, mothers are confronted by the storyline montage from cradle to move-in day and everything in between.
Born in Germany to two unprepared young parents in a foreign land scared to death living in borrowed everything- onesies, stroller, carseat, crib, nappies, and blankets. If it weren’t for the seminary girls all getting together to throw me a baby shower, I’dve been sunk.
That one year without a car in an Olathe apartment just me and a baby waiting for Jon to come home watching daytime TV and taking walks in the strong Kansas wind. That year in St. Louis dropping him off at Lindsey’s in the apartment below our’s so I could go work at Lutheran High North and the dads all finished their schooling.
Cub Scouts, camping, VBS, town pools, walks to the parks in every city and state, MOPs, moving, travel, California, Germany, New York City, Kerrville, Colorado, Arkansas, Iowa, Nebraska, St. Louis, Olathe, hand me downs, help from neighbors, outgrowing shoes, jeans, shoes and jeans, dress clothes and shoes and then outgrowing jeans again.
Being afraid for him as he walked out the door over and over again in many and various ways. Watching him return with a smile on his face and celebrating having conquered such quests as church camp, basketball, cub scouts, marching band, pep band, All State, One Act, Speech, detasseling, Pac N’ Save, Melodrama and each time he came home stronger and more sure, and each time he let go just a little bit more and each time he had his eyes a little more open to what was out there and what he wanted and what he thought he could accomplish.
At the time, I wasn’t able to see the slow transition from child to adolescent. I was too busy looking through a mother’s eyes to see he was looking at the world more and more through his own and becoming a free agent.
Tomorrow is college move in day and I think of it as the last day of one chapter and the beginning of another. He was mine, but he was never really mine. He was gifted to me for a time to help guide and instruct, equip and surrender and now I get to watch him let go a little more and become who he was always meant to be.
I remember my own college move in day. Was I thinking about my relationship with my mom and dad as I looked around at the new dorm room and campus that would become my new reality? Not at all. I was eager to dive in for my own self and define myself according to what I was capable of and what was important to me. I was an explorer on a mission to know all of it and now so is he. It was nothing personal with those wonderful people who were Mom and Dad.
And now it’s his turn for that and it’s my turn for the goodbye. We have been planning for this for years. I am so so proud of him. Am I afraid the world won’t see how amazing he is? Yes. Am I worried he doesn’t have what it takes to find his own way and forge his own path? Not at all. Will I be waiting in the wings in case he needs my help? 100%. It has been the most wonderful gift I never deserved in the first place.