Why? Didn’t I get a for a lot sooner? Do you know how long I dreamed of a fort/studio/office/hang out? Years. Years and years. In fact, my sons have talked about a She Shed, as a joke, for a while now. They tease me with it. So even the spacey self-centered teenage demographic of our household has known I’ve wanted a fort for a long time.
A She Shed, an old trailer in my backyard, I’ve dreamt of a cottage, an enclosed deck, a shop a la the classic Nebraska farmer dude, whatever. I’ve dreamt of one for years until finally, a couple of weeks ago, I just went ahead and let myself call up the landlord to the empty storefront and get it.
Such a long time delaying something so simple. Such a simple notion, some may call excessive, with a total game changer up-level pro-skills universe that is changing the way I do business.
What could I have created these past 8 years had I just given myself what I wanted? Dude. So much. What did I do instead? I played the ‘It’s fine’ card over and over again. The “I’m fine, this is fine” mantra of the good middle class moderately sad lady. Put it on the tombstone and send her to glory, my friends. At least there she won’t eat last.
It was fine and I did fine work, but friends and countryfolk, I have a fort now and the work has been amazing. A. MAze. Ing.
All of a sudden I walk in that goofy front door, switch on the lights and heat (but only a little bit), don’t take off my coat and get to work. I have been writing like a MoFo and editing like it’s no big deal. Like it’s no big deal? Editing? Are you sure, Dunbar? Editing feels easy? I know, right? What magical nether-verse do I inhabit?
So there I am. Me, my guitar, a couple of dance tunes to shake it up, strings of colored lights from the thrift shop, a couch and I sit there writing songs, reworking songs, dialed in and having so much fun.
What if it were easy? What if I just let it happen? What if we allowed what wants to happen to just come on in instead of working from the “if it’s not hard, then it doesn’t count toward my total score” bullshit?
What I was worried was an impulsive move has revealed itself to be the exact right outward expression of a deeper knowing. Sound too woo? Good. Let it be Woo. Just know that that thing you keep thinking that won’t go away even after you push it away and pretend like it’s not there? Trust me when I tell you, it’s trying to do you some good. It’s trying to tell you something. Do I know why? No. But, in my experience, moving past fine into the realm of trusting my gut and following the thread is the way to go. It’s true, it’s not selfish, it produces the best kind of work.
We’re put in this world, in this lifetime for two things: good work and relationship. Relationship with fellow humans, our world, the God who created us in a good/complicated/messy kind of way. Work. Same thing. Doing good work, using our gifts, honing our vision and craft, joyfully and honestly working to serve the humans and the world in whatever that is- shoe clerk, mail man, parenthood (that’s a two-fer with work and relationship), hedge fund monster, I mean manager, whatever.
Listen to your own self. Build trust between yourself and the calling. Get the fort and get done in two months what would’ve taken 6-9 without the help. Rocket fuel. I’m getting to spend all day in the studio today. I can’t wait. No waiting, friends.