The soundtrack of resistance is the one I’ve spent more time with in my life thus far. The resistance soundtrack does whatever it can to keep me doing what I’ve always done, not disrupt the programming in any way, stay safe. It’s a product of my survival mind fearing change and striving for efficiency. To think differently is to expend energy in a less efficient way. To act differently makes my brain think I won’t know where the lions are and they might chew my arms and legs off.
Resistance soundtracking comes in so many forms. For me, I hear, “This is not working.” “Maybe take a break and regroup in a few weeks.” “See? I told you. You’re just wasting your time.” “Looks at So and so. They seem to be doing it and succeeding. Why can’t you be like them?”
It’s day 18 of my 30 day blog-o-thon based around Jon Acuff’s book, “Soundtracks,” and this morning the first sentence of the anthem really hit home: I, Hope Dunbar, choose what I think.
My thoughts are not universal truths fallen from heaven and implanted into my think hole. My thoughts are imperfect, unsubstantiated, bias, limited, with an agenda, and not always helping me. (Remember the “is it true, is it helpful, is it kind” test). Thoughts are sentences running through our brains. They are just floating words. Just because we have words floating through our transums does not mean we have to take them home and feed them or even give them our attention. And ESPECIALLY when they don’t help? Don’t hold on!
See, I know that quitting is NOT what I want. I know that imperfect progress is still progress. I know that stalling out is real, but that momentum and motivation is real too. Most of us have only ever experienced motivation starting strong, fizzling into burn out, quit, stop, regroup, repeat repeat repeat. But there are ways to THINK around the resistance. What’s my plan for days when the plan feels impossible? What’s my recovery when my circumstances are screaming at me to surrender? How do I notice when I’m beating myself up so that I can push the plate away like a picky toddler and consumer thoughts better to my liking?
I’ve been discouraged as of late, but only because resistance is getting louder. It’s not letting me see all my progress, but making me obsess over my mistakes. That’s garbage. The only way to get to the finish line is to keep going. The only way to keep going is to find a way to be on my own team and not cheer for the defeat campaign. Also, the answer is to not judge myself for the resistance soundtrack. It sucks, but it’s part of life. My fight isn’t with it. My fight is with this bigger thing I want to build in my life. Have a great day.