I’m here in decision in a brand new way. It’s like I’ve entered a new dimension where clear thinking effortlessly ushers in clear doing. That post I wrote about it being decision time to get real and stop living with one foot in and one foot out hokey pokey style? Well, that had me waking up and doing my plan and my day easily, intentionally and drama free. Amazing.
The plan was easy. I did what I said I was going to do. I didn’t enter into the witching hours craving a little bit of this and a little bit of that and part of me thinks it has to do with clear decision thinking and part of me gives credit to the hot 90s workout mix that got me through my run.
It was probably both.
Also. What I wrote above illustrates the awesomeness I got to experience yesterday. Along with awesomeness comes the reality of moments less than awesome. Real human life feelings that, probably five years ago, I would have understood to be indicators of being less than, not winning at life, being a malfunctioning human doing. Not anymore, Dear Reader. With on plan eating, good runs, lots of water, happy fun times, comes the true honest heartache that also exists in different measures from day to day and that’s OK too. Wholeness, rather than goodness, is my new goal for living. Rejoicing with those who rejoice and mourning and with those who mourn and giving myself permission to show up for all of it and everything in between. That’s a shift. That’s new. That wasn’t there before.
When life is graded on performance, then you have to be camera ready all the time. The cracks are meant to be hidden. You have to be ready for the show with a pretend smile, an ironed shirt and rehearsed lines to finish the look. But when performance is replaced with whole-heartedness, then the measure of living and love shifts, expands, makes room for the toil alongside whitened teeth as if both had permission to be here.
I’m allowed to be here. My whole self is allowed to be here. If I’m allowed to be here, then I’m allowed to ask for help. If I’m allowed to ask for help then that means I’m allowed to be truthful about my needing something. If I’m allowed to need something, then I am allowed to express weakness or want and that, in its best and truest form, sounds like love and vulnerability, strength and weakness all at the same time. Have a great day.