What remains after perfection slips away?
Everything else. Everything else still survives the moment perfection and the illusion of perfection go up in smoke.
In the past I may I have argued that upon faultering and flailing, upon falling and failing, the only thing remaining would be ridicule and punishment. The world and its scolding, the prim figure of expectation, folding her fan, rising from her chair and quitting the sphere so as not to be soiled herself by the soot of second-rate living.
Let the grand lady leave the ballroom. Let her call for her coach, retreat to her retreat way up on a high mountain and let the rest of us get on with it, OK? That’s what remains after perfection is finally over.
When it’s over, there’s no consequence, there’s only grace, imperfection, freedom to move and be seen, kicking off the heels and getting to the dang thing we call living.
Of course, before the real party starts, I confess to being confronted with voices of judgment and shame up in my head. Voices of “I told you so” and “you always do this” and “how will you ever get where you’re going if you can’t get it right?” Those voices get center stage for a moment, they get to say what they’ve always said, and then, I get to figure out next steps.
This week I have not been the healthy warrior of my dreams nor the She-Ra with a wind machine and sword. I’ve been more like me drinking water, wearing sweat pants, doing tiny improvements or choices to help my eating and fitness, looking out the window, watching Netflix stories even. Yesterday the voices were having a turn with me. Not enough, not perfect, not even close, AND I ate cookies (that I planned for) and my run time was real slow in the July heat.
True- perfection is out the window. True- this week I have not been working with a warrior’s spirit. True- people who lose the final 2.5 pounds skip cookies but I chose to eat them. True- a lifetime of negative self-talk makes me really really good at negative self-talk. I have my 10.000 hours, everybody. I don’t want to brag, but yes, I am excellent pro-skills master at negative self-talk.
So after a day of cookies and low-impact fitness where no one would ever book me for an intense health and fitness guru gig ready to take on the world in a leotard and Reeboks, the lack of perfection feels like a real problem.
And then I remember this: What’s left after perfection is out the door? And the answer is: Everything else.
I’m not giving up. I’m doing a mini-goal inside a bigger goal that remains and I am working on it. The graph is not meant to always go up up up. How will I manage down days if I never have to practice down days? The work I’ve been doing does not get dashed because things didn’t go A++++ awesome. Now that perfection is out, how about we have some fun and reach for something else instead? How about grace? How about curiosity? How about solution? How about help or hope or how I get do overs?
Brene Brown’s book, “The Gifts of Imperfection” turns ten years old this year. She and her two sisters are doing a series of 6 podcast episodes to review its guide posts and talk about them. I love her and I love her jam. I love her honesty, transparency and vulnerability. She really does model what remains after perfectionism is unmasked for what it really is- shame and guilt and self-hatred.
Diet and fitness culture really is powered by high-energy, ripped people with zero body fat. If you’re not grinding kale into your next kale crust pizza while doing three reps of wall sits and 3 minute planks while the green wheat-free dough rises then you might as well quit. If you’re not taking the 20 minute layover in Houston to get some steps in and some wall sits followed by 3 sets of 1 minute planks with your carry on on your back, then you’re not in it to win it. It’s hard to think I’m in it to win it when I’m not in fitness wear working on my core.
So there ya go. I’m over here in soft pants, drinking water, making tiny indetectable shifts toward my goal and sometimes feeling like it’s not intense enough. If I were more intense then the whole thing would be worth more and then I’d be worth more. OR
I strengthen muscles only available to me when the perfectionism setting is deactivated. I strengthen awareness, trust, commitment, belief, kindness, living as an enjoyable activity and cue music. Have a great day.