There just aren’t any second class citizens in the family of God. There are believers in Christ and there are those who do not believe and the only difference is the crucified Jesus standing in place of the believer saying, “My righteousness is their righteousness now. My connection to the Father is their connection. The broken bridge has been mended.” There are those of us living in forgiveness and reconciliation with the Father and those of us who have yet to have the broken bridge mended through Christ and his sin and death conquering and that’s the difference in the eyes of God.
We down here in the muck and the mire keep trying to wipe the shit off ourselves or dance around and flaunt or cleanliness in front of fellow shit dwellers like we have no need of God, like God doesn’t make us good, we make ourselves good and oh my my my what a tragic, impossible road that be.
Of course I keep thinking of the Dobbs decision, of course I keep thinking about my own trek to get “good” stamped on my ass finally and then the voice of God whispers, “You forget brokenness abounds. You think you can fix all this on your own and force everyone to be repaired according to your own human standards for good and bad, worthy and unworthy. Listen, man, I get that you don’t get it. I do get it cuz I built this whole thing and I’ve been around for eternity. Calm the hell down and remember I don’t need your help.”
There are no second class citizens in the eyes of a loving God. This is a good place meant for good. It fell and we fell with it, but it was always meant to be a good creation. Just when we think we’ve fished the fly out of the sweet tea of life, another comes dropping in for a dip again and again and again so we never take a sip. There are virgins and there are young mothers, there are a whole spectrum of body users and love definers that we may mourn, hate, believe that if they just were more like us, we’d all be good. God doesn’t need our help to see each person here beloved whom He hopes to gift love, care, rest and redemption over and over as a cup runneth over. There are no pure versions of ourselves from back when we were little. There are things we did, things we didn’t do, ways we survived as best we could with the information we had and that’s the same for all of us. And now we’re here. And this is us. And can we all just lower the temp on that for a minute?
It’s always comforting to hear therapists say how very few really wicked people they’ve ever met in their practices. Broken? Yes. Hurting? Yes. But truly evil? Very few. It’s just us, man. And this is us from forever til forever and this is what it looks like to live here.
Each one of these oxygen heart beat 24 hour boxes we check off is an exercise in hopefulness, patience, mercy- not from us, but hope, patience, mercy and love from a Heavenly Father watching the road from his porch hoping beyond hope he sees His beloved sons and daughters coming home, remembering the safe place from whence they came, being showered with that reconciled love that makes the muck and the mire fall away and the good/bad test for worthiness seem utter foolishness and folly. And he’s not waiting for his sons and daughters once they’ve unlocked some certain secret or quit doing what they’re doing now. Nope. There are no pre-requisites in the kingdom. But in the kingdom you will be asked if you’re ready to put down your sword. In the kingdom you will be shaped in ways you didn’t have planned. (Me, personally. I am into that. I am in. for. that.)
Why do recovering addicts seem to be so at peace? They have learned how to be comfortable in their own skin without drink nor drug to alleviate the very real discomfort of this thing called life. That’s kinda the goal for all of us. To look in the mirror owning our failures and the free gift of forgiveness and seeing these oxygen heart beat hours as a gift rather than a test or punishment or something to be endured.
Thank God we’re all loved. Thank God He does not hold us to our own efforts. Thank God he starts shaping us into his children through the gift of the Holy Spirit and not through our own bizarre notions of how to get this shit off.
No second class citizens means less focus on what we’ve done and more time spent on what God does for us. No second class citizens means not having to worry about how to curate in-crowds and out-crowds and signal we’re good to the world. The world is the world, God is love, we are who he says we are: beloved and set free to explore a life in Christ’s freedom. It’s different than what the world says it is. Hell, trust me, it’s way different than whatever super weird “christian” take you’ve probably read scrolling through your social media. (Hot take: most practicing Christians who are educated in the faith are mostly like, “What the actual Fu**……?”)
And I tell you all this because I have to tell myself this: I am not a second class citizen in the eyes of God even though I live so many days thinking I am. I didn’t lose my status of first class from all that stuff I’ve done. I wasn’t a good girl and then fell into this not-so-good girl realm I desperately try to claw my way out of. That’s all lying liars who lie bullshit. Heck yes I’ve got stuff. Heck yes the ghosts haunt me and taunt me and won’t leave me alone and yes, they may never quiet the hell down and maybe getting OK with that will make it a little easier to manage. God calls me holy. God says I’m his daughter, God’s not too worried about the past because he’s too excited about the future he’s preparing. Everyone’s ass is stamped “beloved,” every ass is stamped “holy” the evidence is nothing compared to the fullness of His Love.